My Blog: Thoughts, Observations & Life Lessons

          Our laughter causes almost every person in the restaurant at one time or another to glance our way; and we know they’re wondering what one table of women could possibly find so funny.

          What they don’t know is it can be anything from the latest shenanigans of one of our children, a work story, the hysterical comments made by the comedian of the bunch, the husband stories, the boyfriend drama or just the pure joy of being together sharing life.  I listen to each of them intently.  I watch as their expressions change when they share words of heartbreak or concern, and want so badly to have the right words to say. 

          Each of us in our own season and yet so perfectly connected.

          These women.  These funny, articulate, adventurous, sometimes crazy, sometimes irritated, sometimes searching for words themselves … are all absolutely beautiful and yet, they don’t know it.  They see the gray hair, the age spots, the extra weight, the wishing there was more weight in one place or another!  They see the negative and yet, it’s the positives that make us want to schedule the next dinner before we leave because we can’t wait to do it again.

          Why is it we can’t see our own beauty when it’s so easy to assure another of theirs? 

          Take the time to share what you see and help them understand they are beautiful and loved.  We all need it.

Did you ever read someone’s story and although you understood, there were things written that totally stuck out to you? Something you just wish you could talk to them to find out the reason they included it?  I read about a man who was in prison and literally chained so he couldn’t escape.  At one time he was terribly cruel to many people; but now he no longer agreed with the government that he used to be part of.  What struck me was the fact that even though he was in prison, his letters were always in one way or another, encouraging those who he wrote to. 

He talked about not only what was happening in his life, but about the importance of being unified as a people and the importance of faith.  He wrote about love and how being involved in community is essential to thrive as a person.  He talked about hardships, being beaten to sometimes near death; yet, through it all, he had hope.    In one of his letters he wrote, “Remember my chains. Grace be with you.”  I don’t think he wrote “remember my chains” for me to be focusing on all the horrible things that were happening to him in prison.  I believe he wrote those three words to remind me that even though he was in chains, he still had hope.  He knew that the reason he was in prison would someday be the very thing that would set him free.

This person was Paul – the writer of many books of the Bible.  I can relate to his story to a very, very small degree, as I had been in chains at one point in my life.  Not physical chains; but I was bound nonetheless.  Emotional chains that were extremely difficult to get free from.  I can also relate because the very same thing that released his chains, released mine – faith in Jesus.  It’s my prayer that as I write,  I’m honest and real about what life is like, and yet I want to be encouraging, always pointing others to the hope they too can have in Jesus.

     I watched as he stood beside the casket viewing the second of two brothers who had died within 43 days of one another; and in true Grandpa fashion, when he’s not quite sure of himself, he didn’t speak.  He just lowered his head and slightly shook it from side to side; sighing heavily as he walked away.  I couldn’t help but wonder what he was thinking as his parents and siblings have all passed away and now, it’s just him. 

     Looking at the photos taped on poster board documenting the life of this Uncle, I was once again reminded that NOW is the time; because no matter how long I live, I want the pictures to be of sharing life in places I visited and adventures I participated in – outside of my comfortable little town and maybe just a little bit outside of my comfort zone.   

     Honestly, I’m not sure of the “point” of this post.  Maybe I needed to write it down…to find a place to put the sad mental picture that was created in my mind. 

     So my friends, take what you can from these words; but remember this…to everything there is a season - they aren’t unlimited, so make the most of them!

     “At Your Age."  Isn’t it interesting no matter what our age, when we hear those words, it tends to be a negative thing and that it starts when we’re very young?

     As a child you want to do something fun with your older siblings and are told, “You can’t at your age, you have to wait until you’re older.”

     In the teen years we’re told, “You don’t know what you want at your age – you have to wait until you live a little, then you’ll understand.”

     When you’ve “lived a little” you hear things like, “I wish I were your age, from both those younger than you and older!

     When you’ve lived a lot, they say “You can’t know what I’m going through”, as if they forget that we were once the age they are now. 

     Could it be, that not only are we hearing the words; but also believing the lies those words hold?  Words like, “Only the young are beautiful”, or “Only the old have wisdom”, or “Only those with the most “likes” are important”, or “You’ve made to many mistakes to change now”, or “You can’t do that, you’re too ________(fill in the blank)”. 

     There is a generation of young people who are so involved with technology they’re missing real live connection, a generation who is moving so quickly they’re passing so many beautiful things without seeing them, and a generation who’ve just stopped because they feel like they can’t keep up. 

     What if we decided our age is truly just a number?  What if you decided right now that you want life to change – not saying that life is “bad”; but recognizing that maybe there’s something you want to do and haven’t yet, maybe there is a hobby you’d like to begin, maybe a place you want to visit, or maybe you know you want to do something but just aren’t sure what – talk with your spouse or a friend and let them help you figure out what it is. 

The important thing is ... DO SOMETHING.

     While walking our dog, I was thinking about the two most significant holidays I celebrate - Christmas and Easter.  Don’t get me wrong, Independence Day, Veteran’s Day, Memorial Day, and Thanksgiving Day all hold special meaning and are important…the others are certainly fun; but not nearly as significant as Christmas and Easter.

     Christmas represents when God gave us His Son; and Easter represents when His son gave His life…for me (and you).  I’ve been asked how I can say that with such certainty…how can I believe that there’s a god in heaven, who sent his son; and then his son died and came back to life, to go back to heaven and wait for us.  My response was something like this…

     I don’t believe there is a god in heaven.  I know, that THE God of Heaven, sent His Son and His son willingly came to die the most horrific death to save us.  Then that son - the Son of God, rose again; and after being seen by many, ascended back into Heaven.  I know this for two reasons in particular.  One – historical accounts.  Not just rumors or stories that are handed down from generation to generation; but actual documentation, recorded eye witness accounts of Jesus’ life, His ministry, His death AND His resurrection.  Two – because my life is living proof of someone who has been changed by the relationship I have with THE God of Heaven and His Son.   I could give countless examples of the ways I’ve seen God work in my life and if you want to know, let’s grab tea sometime. 

     If you’re still on the fence whether you believe, or if you adamantly disagree with what I’m saying, I would encourage you to check the facts – read some books, a suggestion would be, "The Case for Christ" by Lee Stroble (who, by the way, was an atheist when he began his journey to see if the stories of Jesus were real or not).  Come to our church sometime or reach out to our Pastor to chat.  (www.forkscommunitychurch.org)   You can also just talk to Him….God that is.  He’s always available.  It could start with a very simple, “God, I’m not sure you exist – can you show yourself in a way that there is no denying it’s you?”  Believe me, if you ask - He will answer; and when He does, and if you decide to listen and believe, you too will know THE God of Heaven and all the joy that comes with knowing Him.  Ask today…you’re eternity depends on it.

     The words, “Your eyes show the strength of your soul” came to my mind and although I know I read it in a book, which one I cannot recall. 

     I’ve been feeling out of touch lately and realize two things I miss.  One - face to face interaction and two - phone calls.   I’m not sure when it happened, but texting has become the “norm”.  For some reason, I actually feel bad about making a phone call to a friend or family member.  Why is that?  Years ago, I spent hours on the phone talking with friends.

     Don’t get me wrong, texting is great – especially when a quick answer to a question is all that’s needed.  There is however, something genuine about seeing a person’s face when having a conversation, hearing the fluctuation in that person’s voice, or the silence that allows you to recognize their sadness or need for a listening ear.  Maybe I’m just getting old, or maybe I’m willing to say what other people are feeling but aren’t willing to express themselves.  I tend to be asked to be the “voice” when others want something conveyed – this is both a blessing and a curse, trust me. 

     I’m not having a pity party, I promise; but I am working through why I haven’t felt quite right and am taking steps to fix it.   I guess I’m sharing this because I still feel we are very connected, disconnected society; and maybe if we start making true, real life connections, we’ll all be better off.  Maybe the eyes we see across from us will show strength; or maybe we’ll see a weakness that by being in that moment together, we can help strengthen.  Maybe we all need to spend more time together "doing life" instead of seeing pictures of what everyone's life appears to be. 

     This week I dropped something off at a friend's house and it happened to be during bath-time of their little ones.  It's been a long time since I helped with jammies or bedtime routines; and I found great joy in the simple task of brushing a little girl's hair.  I also remember the nights of more water on the floor than in the tub, and joy wasn't quite my reaction.  I was apologized to because the laundry basket wasn't put away and assured that "straightening up" was the goal before I got there but it hadn't happened; and yet, I didn't see the laundry basket until it was pointed out, nor did I see a messy home.  What I saw was the controlled chaos of a busy family, children who squealed in delight when water splashed out of the tub, and sweet moments of well-loved blankets being held close. 

     Another evening, another family, and just forty minutes were able to lift my spirits as we chatted about upcoming adventures, laughed at the wit of a 12-year old, and listened to a few moments of piano music being played!  The funny thing, once again, I didn't see anything other than the smiles of friends.  Ordinary moments and yet, they reminded me how special everyday moments truly are.  I left each of these homes feeling refreshed and looking forward to "sharing life together" again, and hopefully soon.

“I know someone who would love you.”  This said years ago by a guy I dated a few times, but quickly realized we would be nothing more than friends.

“Uh, no.  You are not setting me up with one of your buddies.”  A few weeks later I would in fact, be meeting the guy who was “sure to love me”.  You see, my friend brought him to one of my volleyball games.  Apparently he thought that the best possible place to introduce us would be a gym, after I’d been playing volleyball.  Seriously-who does that?!  I will say I was quite impressed as, this guy was not only cute but had the best biceps I had ever seen.  (True story).  We were married many years ago today; and today has been filled with countless memories from over the years.  I can say I love him more now than I ever thought I could and it’s not just the, “really great arms” kind of love. 

It’s the, “rocky start, but stick with it”; the, “I don’t know why, but I’ll try to change”; it’s, up all night with babies crying and bills left over with no money left.  It’s the, “I want this and you want that”; the, “I don’t know what to say and the saying too much”. 

It’s, “I’m sorry, and forgive me”; the, rolling eyes and “you crack me up”.  It’s, car accidents and hernia surgeries, the late night talks and sleepless nights.  It’s medical issues and “it’ll be ok”; the, “you need to sit down so I can say this” and “here we go” and “what a mess.” 

It’s Christmas Eve at 2AM and hockey tables across the yard; it’s 6 foot Santa’s and little elves.  It’s milk bottles and big wooden wheels.  It’s letter H’s and decking the halls. 

It’s the, lay on the couch and watch TV.  The, fall asleep on your chest as your arm falls asleep.  It’s the, “I had garlic so you need to, too” and the, “You said you only wanted one bite, didn’t you?”  It’s, home renovation and broken sinks; it’s roof icicles and pipes that leak.  It’s cold hot water and second shift.  It’s minivans and a truck with a 5-inch lift. 

It’s family time and beach vacations; it’s watching our boys as they grow.  It’s giving advice and holding our tongues; and realizing we’ve taught them enough to know.

It’s, “Pray for me, I’ll pray for you”; it’s watching how we make it through.  It’s all these things and so much more, and even things we didn’t ask for.

It’s funny those arms that I noticed first, have held me close for many years; and it’s my prayer that for many more, those arms will greet me when I walk through the door.

You are my always, and I love you so.

Happy Anniversary Tommy Lee Hartzell.

     One of our boys is a Photographer / Videographer.  He’s quite talented, and that’s not just a Momma boasting, really he is.  Throughout the years I have learned a bit about his craft, a tiny morsel of his knowledge.  That knowledge has been helpful in several areas of life, not just with taking pictures.  I remember one particular time when I wanted to take a photo of another one of the boys and he said, “Mom, move over a little.  If you don’t you’ll get that guy in the shot.”  I was so focused on what I wanted to see that I didn’t really see that if I took that picture, I would have had some random man in a photo that I might want to display in our home.  Another thing I’ve learned is that I enjoyed being oblivious to “continuity errors”, he pointed one out and now I seem to observe them quite often, I also point them out to others-much to their dismay.  In case you don’t know, a continuity error is the inconsistency of people, objects, and places seen by the viewer of a video/movie/tv show.  It’s when in one scene you see the windshield smashed on a car, but in the next scene it is whole again – it’s an error in editing. 

     It’s amazing what we take in when we choose to observe instead of just look.  Observing requires careful viewing and study of a person/object/situation in order to gain knowledge of what’s going on. Observing gives a clear picture and then allows for a knowledgeable response instead of just reacting.  How different our world would be if we all observed, and better still, if we realized our reactions are not only seen by others but we impact their world by those reactions.  Our children are especially impacted, and one day will have to choose if they will respond or react…we must all ask ourselves, “What kind of example am I setting"?

     This time of year people seem just a little kinder, songs announcing the birth of Jesus are heard in stores, the baking of the cookies - too many cookies, and then there’s the presents and shopping for the perfect gift for everyone on your list.  I’m sure if you took some time to think about it, there are some gifts that stand out more than others.  I have a few of those; my Raggedy Ann doll that my Dad bought me when I was about five.  To this day in my jewelry box is a heart shaped necklace, a Christmas tree pin, and two adjustable rings.  One pink and one, that my then 5 year old assured me was a real diamond, each purchased by one of my boys during their elementary school years.  Collectively that jewelry probably didn’t cost $2.00 and yet, I treasure them.  Years ago when I owned a childcare center one of my employees gave me a picture holder.  It’s a high heel shoe and has a piece of wire that you put a picture in - it still sits on a table in my living room and every now and then while dusting, I’m reminded how sweet that gift is.  It cost her a dollar.  I know this because I saw it while grabbing supplies one day at the dollar store.  That shoe is precious to me because at the time, she was a single mom and that dollar could have purchased a pound of pasta that would have fed her and her son for a couple of meals; but instead, she chose to buy something for me. 

     More recently, I got a food processor.  I was so excited!  I told everyone about it.  You know you’re getting old when you’re actually excited about a kitchen appliance. I heard wonderful things about them and knew it would save me a lot of time in the kitchen.  Of course, it was a busy time of year so I didn’t actually unpack it – it sat in the box for a couple of weeks and my husband asked me if I was ever going to find a home for it in one of the cabinets, so I made room – there was a lot more in the box than I thought so I piled everything on top of the base.  Several more weeks went by and after finishing canning salsa, my husband asked me why I didn’t use my food processor and I rolled my eyes and shook my head because, believe it or not, I forgot I had it!  So when it was time to make eggplant meatless balls, I decided to get it out.  I washed everything off, got the multi-purpose blade and assembled it.  Once I got the ingredients together, I put them in the food processor and pressed the button and ... nothing, it didn’t turn on.  I made sure I plugged it in, unlocked and locked the lid and still nothing.  My husband came over and tried a few things – but nothing we did made it turn on.  I grabbed my iPad, went on Utube and watched someone assemble hers and I had done everything exactly the way she did and yet, hers worked and mine didn’t.  This went on for a good 20 minutes, then I looked at the picture in the manual, looked at the food processor, and really, there was no reason this thing shouldn’t work.  So I took a deep breath, and read word for word how to assemble it and each step I looked at mine on the counter.  Sure enough, although the lid locked – I had the lid on backwards – the handle had to align with a certain part of the lid.  I turned it around, locked the lid in place again and sure enough – it started.  Using it, cut the time it took me to make those meatballs almost in half.  It has now become one of my go to gifts because not only did I get the basic food processor but it came with the dicing AND slicing blades.

     It’s fun to recall the gifts we’ve received over the years; but when was the last time you really thought about the gift of Jesus?  We say things like “You can’t have Christmas without Christ”, we sing about his birth in beautiful Christmas carols, we talk about the sweet baby Jesus in the manger, but He’s so much more than that!

     Jesus’ birth was prophesied in the Old Testament - Isaiah 7:14 says “Look! The virgin will conceive a child!  She will give birth to a son and will call him Immanuel (which means ‘God with us’).  And then years later – just as it was told – he was born in a stable, in the little town of Bethlehem and was called Immanuel.  If that were the end of the story it would still be wonderful, but the beauty is, it didn’t stop there.  Jesus grew up, he healed the sick, he made the blind to see, he made the lame walk and then he willingly died so that we could spend eternity in Heaven.  That’s quite the gift.

     But guess what?  It doesn’t stop there either!

     Let’s just think about Immanuel for a moment.  “God with us.”   It doesn’t say, “God’s with us only when things are going good.”  It doesn’t say, “He’s around only when I can feel his presence.”  It’s a statement, “God with us” period.  The moment we accept Jesus into our lives, God is with us.  Even when we getcaught up in life - In the midst of dealing with that challenging child, in the midst of facing tough decisions, In the midst of missing a loved one; or when we think everyone else’s life is so much more exciting than ours.  His presence doesn’t depend on our devotion to him.…He loves us, so he’s with us. 

     He still heals the sick – sometimes that healing comes in the form of a physical ailment being taken away; and sometimes the sickness is our heart hurting because of a situation we have no control over.  He still makes the blind see – it can be restoring actual sight; and sometimes it’s showing us something in our lives that is holding us back and not allowing us to live the life we should be living.  He still makes the lame walk – that may be a doctor correcting a broken bone; or it might be gently guiding us towards stepping out of our comfort zone to tell others what a difference he’s made in our life.

     I realized for a really long time, I treated Jesus a lot like that food processor.  I had him the moment I accepted Him.   I told people I had him. I’d think about him on Sunday mornings and talk about Him with my church friends.  Then I started watching my Christian friends and doing things they did, I learned “church talk”, and I got involved with various ministries.  I was doing and saying all the right things – but having Jesus in my life, wasn’t really making too much of a difference.  I realized I looked like a good Christian, but I wasn’t really doing anything with him; nor did I do anything to get to know him better.   I wasn’t going to the source for my knowledge, I wasn’t taking time to open the manual to see what God wanted to show ME –because that’s another beautiful thing about this gift – it’s personalized. 

     We each have unique situations.  What is a struggle for me, someone else might think is ridiculous; and just as we each have our own struggles, we also have individual strengths.  Sometimes we know what those strengths are, and sometimes we need a little help finding them; but one thing is certain – we were each made for a purpose. 

     There are a lot of hurting people in this world.  I would guess, some of them may be reading this blog right now.  That’s the beauty of really getting to know the Man who grew up from being a baby in the manger.  He meets us right where we are.  Maybe right where you are is trying to make a really difficult decision and you just don’t know what to do.  Maybe right where you are is struggling with a stronghold that you desperately want to be free of.  Maybe right where you are is, you know him but it’s been a long time since you’ve marveled at who he really is.  In the middle of whatever it is we are going through, He meets us there and says, “Here, let me help you with that.” 

The Bible tells us He’s the author and perfector of our faith – Hebrews 12:2 that means he already knows the outcome and if we turn to him it will work out perfectly for our good.

He’s the Bread of Life – John 6:35…He can sustain us even when we feel like the world is crashing down around us.

He’s Faithful and true – Revelation 19:11 – when we’re feeling everyone is too busy and we don’t have anyone – He’s still there.

He’s the light of the world – John 8:12 – His presence brings a new perspective and allows us to see what we couldn’t see alone.

He’s the good shepherd – John 10:11 – Like an actual shepherd that makes sure his sheep are with him at all times – he loves us enough to come and find us if we get lost, and gently brings us back and loves us still.

He is Lord of all – Phillipians 2:9 – so no matter what is happening around us – He’s got it, and we don’t have to worry because at the end of the day – He is still on the throne.

He’s our indescribable gift – 2 Corinthians 9:15 – I could spend hours telling you the difference His presence has made in my life…but this post would turn into a novel.  Talk about a gift that keeps on giving!

     It’s a relationship we get when we say yes to the gift of Jesus.

    Trust me when I tell you…He’s my comforter when I’m lonely. He’s my strength when I don’t think I can make it through. He listens when I whine to Him; and then there are times when he shows me that I’m the problem and need to change something I’m doing.  I’m learning that no matter how old I get, there are still things I want that I don’t need; but he loves me enough to help me let go of those things – my stubbornness chooses how long that learning process takes. 

     In the past several months there have been some significant changes in my life...and with each thing that has happened, I’ve asked why.  “Why couldn’t that have happened before I left?” or “Why is this taking so long?”

     I’ve learned answers to some of those questions.

     If that thing would have happened before I left, maybe I wouldn’t have ended up where I know God wants me to be; and I think it took a little longer, because I was getting wrapped up in wanting to do the things I KNEW how to do, instead of learning to trust Him and do the things he wants me doing. 

     You see , there is nothing more precious than the gift of Jesus, we just have make time to get to know the true value of the gift.

     Absolutely adore the baby in the manger, but don’t stop there.  Take the time to get to know Jesus.  He will take what you thought you wanted and give you things you never expected, nor knew you desperately needed; and at the end of the day you will realize, Immanual – God with us - is all you really need.

     She smiled as I entered the elevator and as the doors closed, I noted she began at my head and looked down all the way to my shoes.  It was odd.  Ok, I’ll admit I do this sometimes; but I think I do it in such a way that the person has no idea.  I can assure you after this encounter, I will totally be sure I do it that they have no idea.  We stood in silence as the elevator ascended to our floor and just before the doors opened she said, “I really like your dress.”

     It took me a moment but I replied, “Oh, thanks!” and then we exited the elevator.  Prior to her voicing her opinion, I was wondering what the deal was – did I put another run in my stockings or was static cling a problem again?

     I can tell you this totally made my day, and also made me realize how often I’ve thought someone’s dress was nice or wanted to say how fabulous a pair of shoes were, but didn’t.  I know what a nice little “pick me up” it was for someone who didn’t love me to give me a compliment, and decided that I would begin telling others when I liked something.  I’ve learned a few things since starting this habit…

#1 Don’t take too long to offer the compliment – it’s a little creepy if you’ve just looked someone up and down and say nothing – trust me….I’ve been on the receiving end.

#2  If you are a married woman and don’t want a man to think you’re hitting on him, be sure to follow “Hey that’s a great suit,” with “I’ll have to suggest that color to my husband.” 

#3    Be sure the person you’re complimenting doesn’t think you’re making fun of him/her.  I once told someone I liked her tote and she responded with (in the most annoyed voice ever), “Really – because it’s my mother’s (insert eye roll here) and I’m so sure you really like it.”   My response of “Actually, I do”, caused her to roll her eyes once again and sigh in disgust.   It was either a cute bag or I’ve begun the transition into liking things without regard to fashion or trendiness – probably the latter as I tend to stick with what I like – whether it’s “in” or not. 

I’d like to suggest, if you notice someone is clearly having a bad day, find something-anything to allow you to shed some light into their darkness.  We really don’t know what others are going through; and maybe what they need is a kind word to turn the focus away from the negative.  For those people, who no matter what you say, are still miserable…maybe today will be the day they realize, someone notices and maybe they need to know that someone cares.   

Be the one who cares.

     My phone alerted me to a text message and after opening it, all I said was, “I look terrible in that picture,” I then exited out of the message.  It wasn’t until I received another message a few days later with another picture that I caught myself saying the same thing and then I realized something… I have spent quite a bit of time – way too much time actually – not taking pictures with friends and family because I’m not happy with my weight… and pictures seem to show it all don’t they?  The really funny thing is, I received three pictures within four days and in each one, I look either 10 pounds heavier or 10 pounds lighter – amazing the difference camera angles make!  I shared this with a co-worker and she told me she had been discussing something similar with her husband and he said something to the effect of, “You look the same in person…what’s the big deal?”  And guess what?  He is so right! 

     How many moments have I failed to document because I was worried about what the photo would look like?  I then took some time to look through the pictures on my phone.  This time however, I didn’t notice the fact that my bangs curved in a weird way – I saw my best friend supporting me on a night that my nerves were going crazy;  I didn’t notice the unflattering angle of the camera– I saw my sweet friend sharing in the celebration of my latest book being published; I didn’t notice the glare on my glasses but a fun night at the movies where a friend may or may not have brought towels for the back of the seats because she’s aware of the danger of lice, (so sorry if I’ve ruined movie going for you – just take a little towel along and it will be fine).  :)  I wasn’t seeing my shirt “crooked,” but the smiling faces of my boys squeezed together with me in the middle; nor was I seeing my new sunglasses; OK…actually, that one I had texted MJ because they are quite fabulous! 

     My point is, I’m no longer going to spend my time worrying about what I look like in photos. I’m going to enjoy the moment and take pictures so that down the road I’m able to look back and recall how wonderful I felt spending those moments with my friends and family. 

     May I suggest that we all take a bit more time to create our own memories and a little less time thinking everyone else is having much more fun than we are….I will apologize now for the amount of pictures my family and friends may get from me.  ;)

Celebrate the moments because after all, those moments are our life!

     It’s so easy to be thankful for certain things isn’t it?  Things that bring us great joy, things that make us feel safe, and accomplishments we are proud of…easy things to list this time of year.

     But what about the hard things?  The less than full-time job that doesn’t provide quite enough money for the bills left at the end of the month; the choice to stop socializing with someone you know isn't good for you even tho' you enjoy their company; or the situation with that person whom you love dearly but can’t seem to communicate with…what about those?  Is it possible to be thankful for those things too?

     Some of the hardest times in my life have caused me, more like forced me, to learn and grow tremendously; and it is those same things that, because of lessons learned, can allow me to help others through similar situations. 

     Our being thankful shouldn’t depend on our circumstances.  It should be rooted in knowing whatever life throws us, we have the ability to ask “Why me?” and wallow, or “What can I do to make some progress today?”  A thankful heart will find peace – no matter what the circumstance.

I recently had an encounter with a young person who was so distraught they couldn’t speak, and I seriously thought someone had either died or was seriously injured.  After the sobbing ended and they were able to speak, I was told the reason for the emotional meltdown was due to missing a person they had recently broken up with. 

Let me tell you, the almost 5 minutes of watching the flood of tears, the erratic breathing, and the possibilities of what could possibly be wrong going through my head - was almost causing me to have an anxiety attack; so when I learned a breakup was the cause, I felt a bit of relief.

We talked and hugged, and I reminded them if they ever need me, I’m always available – that’s the great thing about cell phones – no matter where you are, you can be found…a blessing and a curse at times, really! 

While driving to work the following day and thinking about the conversation, my first thought was, “Thank God everyone is ok” then, “Yikes, that was a lot of emotion over a breakup”; and then I remembered the devastation of my first crush all those years ago and all of a sudden I totally understood the level of emotion shown the previous day.  Everything seemed so intense back then; and whoever coined the phrase, “These are the best years of your life” couldn’t possibly have attended high school.  I had some good times in high school don't get me wrong, and I still cherish some of the friends I made back then; but "the best years of my life"?  No so much. 

I do however, try really hard to remember how I felt when living through the various seasons of life.  It's so important that others recognize they're not alone and even more important that we don't give the impression that we know everything or that, as adults, we've forgotten what it was like to feel those intense emotions.  I don’t ever want to become that person who sounds as if they’ve never had an issue or life just always worked out for them; or the person who makes it sound like they always did the right thing - because the moment we stop remembering – we no longer relate to those around us; and the moment we stop relating, we stop making a positive difference in our world.   

My life has been a series of learning experiences.  Some longer than others, some more difficult, some I’d rather never talk about again, and others I’d like to relive.  Then you have those moments as an adult, when a song takes you back to that special night when you were 15 at a dance, swaying back and forth with the guy wearing the coolest white pants (Hey, it was the 80’s and they were cool!); or when your sister-in-law asks you if you’d like a piece of Big Red gum and you have to decline because you haven’t chewed a piece since breaking up with the boy with whom you shared your first kiss…which causes a fit of laughter that has given another wonderful memory.

This breakup discussion has left me feeling so many things; but most important is the joy I feel being thankful for many lessons learned, the countless wonderful people who've crossed my path and those who continue to make me smile.

      Truth is defined as, “The state of being true”.  True is defined as, “in accordance with fact or reality.”  Feeling is defined as, “an emotional state or reaction.”

      So often we allow our feelings to dictate our actions.  I’ve done this for years.  I’ve acted and reacted to things I believed about myself and allowed those feelings to keep me trapped in a world of not feeling good enough; and as I look back over my life, I missed out on some wonderful experiences and opportunities.  The truly sad thing is, after taking a long and hard look at what I felt, what filled my head wasn’t truth.  It was my reaction to how I felt.  I had to dig deep, I had to rid my thoughts of negativity, and I had to find the truth - find what really defined me.   I found that truth, in looking to the one who created me.

      Sadly, we are still very much a Country divided.  The truth is, no matter who is in the White House, it is you and I who have control over how we react.  If we take a moment to think before we speak, and if we listen to hear each other, instead of listening to respond, we can make our part of the world better; and just think if we all did that – how different the entire country would be!  You see, it really is each individual response that allows us to collectively create change.

      I have, and will continue to pray for our Country and the unity of its people.  I will also share with you...there is nothing that will make you feel better than learning the truth of who you are with Jesus as the center of your life.

          While waiting for the iced tea I ordered and my friend to arrive at the restaurant, I couldn’t help but hear the commotion going on in the booth behind me.  I also felt the commotion as a child was not only screaming at the top of her lungs, but kicking the seat behind me; our booths were attached, so I felt every blow.

          My tea arrived, and I realized after the waitress left, the normal sweetener options were absent.  I decided I would grab some from an adjacent table, but just as I was ready to get up, a blood curdling scream came from behind me.  That scream was due to the fact that the French fries accompanying her meal were not to her liking.  There was nothing anyone could do to stop the noise. 

          People were glancing in the direction of the screaming, a man glared over at the table and shaking his head made an audible comment about people controlling their children, and I heard the mother of that child say, “Honey, these nice people just want to eat their dinner in peace, it’s ok, try them.”  This caused an even louder protest and she finally said, “Just take her out, I’ll get to-go containers and pay”, and then in more of a pleading voice said, “Please…. take her out now.”       

          Dad left with a screaming child in his arms, and his head bent down as not to make eye contact with the dozens of eyes now staring his way.  Mom motioned for the waitress and asked for containers as, “My daughter isn’t being a very good girl and we will just eat at home.”

          Mom was left to wait for the check, alone.

          I decided now was a good time to get the sweetener and as I turned around, I watched this young momma as she pushed the contents of her plate into the foam dish.  Of course, she was going to have to eat that food cold when she got home, and there was a good chance it would be much later than she would have hoped.  I saw her fighting back tears and the look of almost despair on her face and before I knew it ... 

          “Excuse me.” I said.

          “Yes?” She replied, catching her breath awaiting my, what she was sure would be criticism.

          “Anyone who has had children has been exactly where you are at one time or another and guess what?  We all survived…and you will too.”

          For a moment she said nothing and I began to question whether I should have said anything; but then, in one continuous breath she said, “Really, because I was just sitting here wondering what I’m doing and what I was thinking wanting to stay home and yet I know, next year when I have to go back to work, I’ll be questioning if that was the right decision and I’ll miss her…she really can be a sweet girl.” 

          I smiled and said, “Yes, they have a way of driving us crazy one minute and melting our hearts the next. Trust me, you are not alone, and really – enjoy her…I have four and it doesn’t feel like it now, but the time goes by so fast.”

          She forced a smile and I grinned saying, “Hey, I’m proof! I lived through four boys…and you’ll get through this too, I promise.”   She genuinely smiled saying, "thank you" and I returned to my seat. 

          My friend arrived just as the sweet, tired momma exited the restaurant and we started chatting ninety miles an hour as we typically do.  She told me a story of her now college aged child saying, “One minute I wanted to kill him and the next I was praying he was alright!” It was at that moment, I realized a few things…

          When children are little we are worried that we are totally screwing them up, that they will never learn how to eat without food going everywhere and they certainly will not know how to use the toilet properly.

          Then they get a little older and we hope they remember the envelope that you’ve reminded them about ten times and after dropping them off at school, receive a frantic call two hours later because it’s picture day and guess what?  The envelope of money is still on the counter where they left it.

          A few more years pass and you hope they really heard the talk about treating others kindly, and as you read the horror stories of bullying, you watch them roll their eyes at you as you, once again explain how once words are said, they can’t be taken back.

          And then before you know it, they are getting married, and going to college and joining the Army, and getting their very own place to live and starting high school; and you realize it seems like it was just last week, you were the woman sitting in the restaurant booth, silently hoping she could melt into the vinyl seat because her child won’t stop screaming that the applesauce touched the mash potatoes.

          I left the restaurant in just enough time to pick up our youngest to get him to basketball practice.  The entire ride, asking him questions about his day… did he get his homework done and his gym shirt out of the dryer, because it will be late when he gets home from practice…did he decide yet if he liked Spanish or German better, and commenting how he will certainly have more of an opportunity to use Spanish in the future…. adding that it will look great on a resume’; and I couldn’t help but laugh when he said, “Mom – I got this…it’s all good.”

          And that’s the thing…it may not always be how we really wish we would do it.  It may not go as smoothly, or near as quietly as we hope; but guess what...every moment gives us the opportunity to start fresh.  

          If you're the momma crying in the booth because your little one was just carried out kicking and screaming; once they are sleeping after the hissy fit, look at the sweet face and allow the love you have for them to push out the moments of chaos; and if you’re the Momma who knows it goes by far too quickly, I encourage you to be kind to those young, struggling moms you see throughout your travels, maybe remind them that you too are living proof, they will survive. 

          Whether you need to hear you’ll make it through, or need to chat because your “littles” are now big; one thing is certain…we all need each other.

     After a frustrating morning of fighting traffic, I wanted to stop for a medium Diet Coke and three chocolate chip cookies at McD’s, (yes, this is my breakfast sometimes – please don’t judge), but being so engrossed in the traffic that I just drove to my work parking lot; I wasn’t surprised as I sat down at my desk to notice two big white spots on my stockings.  Yes, I said stockings, and No, I don’t like wearing them but believe it or not, it’s part of the dress code.  I just stared at them for a moment and wondered what else was going to happen as clearly this was, “One of those days”.  I decided I would have to go out at lunchtime and fight the traffic for a second time to grab a new pair, and I wasn’t happy about it. 

     As I went on with the endless typing, I periodically looked down, saw the spots, and each time got a little more irritated.  Not only did I not want to go out at lunch, this was the third pair of stockings I’d gone through in one week!  For those of you who don’t know, this is a big deal; not only is it a pain to find a brand you like, but unless you find them on sale and with coupons, they’re like six or seven dollars a pair, and one thumb placed incorrectly while putting them on, can ruin them before you’ve even begun your day.

     While standing at the copier, a co-worker asked what I was doing for lunch; and after telling her she looked down and said, “What spots?”  I went to point them out and did a double take.  They weren’t there!  I looked at the other leg and sure enough, nothing.  Weird.  She then rolled her eyes and shook her head smiling.  We laughed it off and I went back to my desk.

     I continued working, but still confused at the situation, I looked down and sure enough…the spots were back!  This time I moved my leg to get a better look and they disappeared.  I moved again and it was this time I realized the “spots” were created by the sun peeking through the shades behind me!  I was now the one rolling my eyes and shaking my head. 

     I spent a good part of the morning being irritated about something that didn’t actually exist.  The sun was peeking through and I was so wrapped up in the spots sadly, I didn’t even see it!  I then realized this was a very real example of life.  Often I have fretted about something because of how it appeared, and yet when all was said and done, the outcome was not at all what I had imagined.  I also realized that many times the “spots” of life are the very things, which once worked through, allow me to see more clearly. 

     We all have "spots", real or imagined.  How much better life would be if we would take the time, prior to getting irritated, to examine them - making sure they really exist before we waste precious time that could have been better spent basking in the sun.

      Seriously?  Two skirts, three shirts, two dresses and two cardigans were strewn over the bed in my room; and I still couldn’t decide what to wear.  I was going to work for goodness sake, not some fancy party.  There are rare occasions when uniforms seem like such a good idea; and then I’m reminded uniforms typically include terrible shoes and immediately that thought is erased from my mind.

      While sitting on the bed, staring at the pile of clothing I would now have to put away when I get home from work, I couldn’t help but realize how that pile represented my feelings lately.  Each piece being a different emotion, each emotion piled on top of another, none of which I wanted as part of my day.  Please know, I recognize how truly blessed I am; and I am aware that life could be much worse.  There are however, times when I’m just not sure what to do with the thoughts and feelings I find myself wrestling with. 

      October for me is an emotional roller coaster.  My birthday is in the first week – which includes fun times with my family, for which I am extremely grateful.  Then, the day of my mom’s passing is just five days later, and a few weeks after that, would have been my Dad’s birthday.  Sure, they’re just days on a calendar, but each of those days causes reflection and brings with it mixed emotions.  Add to this the fact that we’ve had some difficult issues present themselves within our lives; have also made some significant personal changes; and although I know some of these changes needed to be made, it doesn’t make the process easier.  And that’s when it hit me … I’m looking for easy.  Unfortunately as the saying goes, life isn’t easy; and taking this a step further, change isn’t even close to easy.

      Life experience however has shown me, the seasons of struggle and uncertainty, have also been seasons where I’ve grown the most personally and spiritually.  We won't grow if we aren't willing to be uncomfortable in the process, because inevitably something a little messy is bound to show itself as needing to be tended to.

      This reminder made me realize I have two options.  I can either continue to be sidetracked and allow my feelings to keep me caught up in the moments that I really have no control over, or I can recognize I need to continue moving forward, so I’m able to live out the life God has for me.  I need to be mindful of those around me; but I must also recognize we are each on our own journey.  I need to stay in my own lane, certainly encouraging those alongside me, but recognizing when it comes to their race – I can only be a cheerleader….and that’s exactly what I’ll continue to be.

      So I pick my "go to" black skirt, a white top and gray cardigan.  Blah and boring until my sassy gray boots with the cute little bow are added … and that's when my day really begins.

      “Well, she just needs to get over it.”

      Words said by someone sharing the same waiting room as I.  The conversation continued as my name was called and I followed the nurse, exiting the room.  I find it interesting when those on their cell phones, carry on with conversations as if no one else exists.   I’ve heard many things I really don’t want to know, and have actually had to suppress laughter because of something shared. 

      As I waited for the doctor I sat thinking about what she said.  Of course, I have no idea what needed to be gotten over; but I do know in the past I’ve said, and have also been on the receiving end of, “just get over it.”   I will also tell you, it’s something I don’t typically say anymore.

      We each have different tolerances, hot buttons, and stress points.  What causes me to be upset may leave someone else wondering why I would be worked up by something so trivial. 

      One of my boys can see a Daddy Long Leg Spider, pick it up, allow it to crawl on his arm, and set it gently down on the ground.  Another, is deathly afraid of spiders, and a Daddy Long Leg will send him flying out of his seat faster than anything you’ve seen.  Is one right or wrong?  I don’t think so.  I do wish I could figure out what caused him to fear spiders but hey, I don’t like thousand leggers and I don’t ever remember there being a traumatic event leading up to it – they just creep me out.

      I’ve learned it’s really easy to be on the outside looking in on other people’s situations and believe we know what should be said and done; and I’ve also learned, unless I’m in the midst of a problem, I must be very careful before I offer a quick, flippant response as to how it should be handled.

The phrase, "Don't judge.  Behind every person there's always a reason they are the way they are", is so true.  It's important to remember that we really don't know what others have gone through or endured.  Maybe someone needs validation, maybe they are clinging to something because of a loss, maybe they're dealing with bitterness and are in need a loving friend to help them with these feelings or maybe they don't even realize they are in the midst of destructive behavior.  I've learned that if I’ve weathered a storm and see someone else is in the same boat, I should be willing to share my experience so they don’t feel alone and so maybe I can lessen the length of theirs. 

      We may not be able to calm their storm, but we can certainly offer a life preserver and float along with them until the clouds have passed, and the sun shines once again.   

     I watched the clock as it moved from one number to the next, wondering if I should just get out of bed, as sleep was avoiding me.  It was one of those nights that no matter what I did, or didn’t do, I ended up either staring at the ceiling listening to the hum of the air conditioner or checking the time to realize only three minutes had passed.  Typically there are two types of people when it comes to stress– either you want to sleep all of the time to avoid it, or you can’t sleep at all and continually think about it.  Then there’s those who, “aren’t able to eat a thing”, and those who eat everything they can get their hands on; sadly, I’m the latter on both counts.  I’ve gotten better since I realized neither one of these things is very good for me but trust me, it’s a struggle and I’m certain I’ll be writing another blog someday about it.  I wish I would be telling you what I finally did to fall asleep and that I woke up well rested and ready to face the day.  Instead I will tell you I faded in and out of sleep until I finally got up at 4:30 am; and by 2:00 the next afternoon I needed a nap and drank two cups of tea allowing the caffeine to do its thing. 

     I’m surrounded by friends and family who are enduring some very difficult life situations, I’m questioning what the future will look like, I’m struggling with the reason certain things happen, and I’m questioning why… a lot.  Once again, I wish I would be telling you I’ve figured it out and there is one simple thing to do that will make it all work out and make sense; unfortunately, as a very wise man said to me this afternoon, “We won’t see the big picture this side of Heaven so I trust that God has it under control,” which was followed by, “I try not to allow myself to get wrapped up in the why.” 

     I realized as I thought about my near sleepless night, I wasn’t just listening to the hum of the air conditioner.  I was silently questioning God without actually talking to Him about any of it, and then I realized, that’s where I went wrong.  Each one of us has a choice when faced with circumstances that we don’t understand or are out of our control; we can fret over them and allow them to consume every moment; or we can give them to the one who does have it all in control. 

     I will never know the reason for every life event.  I do however know, that God is good – all the time; and I will trust Him in both the calm and the storm, knowing it is only He who can get me through.

     I received the news of the passing of my sweet Sister-in-law’s Mother, and couldn’t help but be saddened knowing the emotion she will experience from this loss.  We only spent bits of time with her mom at family gatherings throughout the years, and I didn’t really know her on a personal level; but I watched her youngest daughter not only care about, but care for her mother, and the beauty of her selflessness is certainly a reflection of the Godly home she grew up in.  

     There are ten children in her family.  Yes, I said ten; and “close blood relatives" number almost one hundred!  While attending the viewing we heard various people sharing their affiliation and fond memories; and one women in particular was asked if she was a family member.  All I heard her say, because she continued walking in another direction was, “Oh, not by blood”.  I would have loved to hear what exactly she meant.  I didn’t think about that statement again until I found myself lying in bed unable to fall asleep. 

     I too have many, “Oh, not by blood” family members.  I smiled as I thought about the people whose friendships have changed my life, those who no matter how long it’s been we’re able to reconnect the moment we begin talking; and those whom we connect so well that I really believe somehow one of us was taken away at birth.  

     It was at that moment, I realized something else.  I have countless, “unbiological, but still connected by blood family”; and almost instantly, the tension I was feeling began to fade.  You see, those whom are believers in the saving power of the Cross; well, we’re eternally connected by the blood of Christ.  This bond isn’t broken by how many miles apart we may be; nor does it grow weaker if we attend different churches.  Our connection is a cord of three strands that cannot be broken because we have the common ground of Jesus, and there’s nothing stronger.  So although I may not see my “unbiological, but still connected by blood family” quite as often as I used to, we are still family; and we have the promise of Eternity to look forward to.