Unsettled

     I watched the clock as it moved from one number to the next, wondering if I should just get out of bed, as sleep was avoiding me.  It was one of those nights that no matter what I did, or didn’t do, I ended up either staring at the ceiling listening to the hum of the air conditioner or checking the time to realize only three minutes had passed.  Typically there are two types of people when it comes to stress– either you want to sleep all of the time to avoid it, or you can’t sleep at all and continually think about it.  Then there’s those who, “aren’t able to eat a thing”, and those who eat everything they can get their hands on; sadly, I’m the latter on both counts.  I’ve gotten better since I realized neither one of these things is very good for me but trust me, it’s a struggle and I’m certain I’ll be writing another blog someday about it.  I wish I would be telling you what I finally did to fall asleep and that I woke up well rested and ready to face the day.  Instead I will tell you I faded in and out of sleep until I finally got up at 4:30 am; and by 2:00 the next afternoon I needed a nap and drank two cups of tea allowing the caffeine to do its thing. 

     I’m surrounded by friends and family who are enduring some very difficult life situations, I’m questioning what the future will look like, I’m struggling with the reason certain things happen, and I’m questioning why… a lot.  Once again, I wish I would be telling you I’ve figured it out and there is one simple thing to do that will make it all work out and make sense; unfortunately, as a very wise man said to me this afternoon, “We won’t see the big picture this side of Heaven so I trust that God has it under control,” which was followed by, “I try not to allow myself to get wrapped up in the why.” 

     I realized as I thought about my near sleepless night, I wasn’t just listening to the hum of the air conditioner.  I was silently questioning God without actually talking to Him about any of it, and then I realized, that’s where I went wrong.  Each one of us has a choice when faced with circumstances that we don’t understand or are out of our control; we can fret over them and allow them to consume every moment; or we can give them to the one who does have it all in control. 

     I will never know the reason for every life event.  I do however know, that God is good – all the time; and I will trust Him in both the calm and the storm, knowing it is only He who can get me through.