Seriously? Two skirts, three shirts, two dresses and two cardigans were strewn over the bed in my room; and I still couldn’t decide what to wear. I was going to work for goodness sake, not some fancy party. There are rare occasions when uniforms seem like such a good idea; and then I’m reminded uniforms typically include terrible shoes and immediately that thought is erased from my mind.
While sitting on the bed, staring at the pile of clothing I would now have to put away when I get home from work, I couldn’t help but realize how that pile represented my feelings lately. Each piece being a different emotion, each emotion piled on top of another, none of which I wanted as part of my day. Please know, I recognize how truly blessed I am; and I am aware that life could be much worse. There are however, times when I’m just not sure what to do with the thoughts and feelings I find myself wrestling with.
October for me is an emotional roller coaster. My birthday is in the first week – which includes fun times with my family, for which I am extremely grateful. Then, the day of my mom’s passing is just five days later, and a few weeks after that, would have been my Dad’s birthday. Sure, they’re just days on a calendar, but each of those days causes reflection and brings with it mixed emotions. Add to this the fact that we’ve had some difficult issues present themselves within our lives; have also made some significant personal changes; and although I know some of these changes needed to be made, it doesn’t make the process easier. And that’s when it hit me … I’m looking for easy. Unfortunately as the saying goes, life isn’t easy; and taking this a step further, change isn’t even close to easy.
Life experience however has shown me, the seasons of struggle and uncertainty, have also been seasons where I’ve grown the most personally and spiritually. We won't grow if we aren't willing to be uncomfortable in the process, because inevitably something a little messy is bound to show itself as needing to be tended to.
This reminder made me realize I have two options. I can either continue to be sidetracked and allow my feelings to keep me caught up in the moments that I really have no control over, or I can recognize I need to continue moving forward, so I’m able to live out the life God has for me. I need to be mindful of those around me; but I must also recognize we are each on our own journey. I need to stay in my own lane, certainly encouraging those alongside me, but recognizing when it comes to their race – I can only be a cheerleader….and that’s exactly what I’ll continue to be.
So I pick my "go to" black skirt, a white top and gray cardigan. Blah and boring until my sassy gray boots with the cute little bow are added … and that's when my day really begins.